Instrumented Test
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It would render Freud speechless.
“Gunter glieben glauchen globen.” We can’t so much as look at the Mercedes-Benz G63 AMG without the phrase running through our minds. Coined by poodle-haired ‘80s Brit-rockers Def Leppard, the ostensibly German words have essentially no meaning, yet, like the G63 AMG, carry plenty of Teutonic gravitas. Precisely why this pop-rock chestnut imbeds itself into our subconscious whenever a slab-sided G-wagon rolls into view is a question best left to Freud. Wouldn’t an equally dramatic tune from tanzmetal kings Rammstein, or, say, David Hasselhoff make far more sense? Whatever the reason, there’s no denying the G63 (and the lesser G550 model) exudes more single-minded purpose than anything this side of a Panzer tank. (Freud, of course, was from Austria, and so is the G63. It is assembled in Graz by Magna-Steyr under contract with Mercedes.)
At 187.5 inches in length and 76.3 inches in width (4.5 inches wider than the G550 thanks to its fender plumage), the G63 is certainly no sprite, but its flat-panel and right-angle design exudes a personality even bigger than its dimensions. The comparatively modern and swoopy Mercedes GL450 is longer and lower, and disappears into suburban anonymity easily. The G-wagen, on the other hand, remains perpetually in the spotlight, eliciting smiles from children and inspiring constant rubbernecking and, we assume, envy.
For 2013, the G63—which rung up 60 percent of all G-wagen sales last year—gets a few subtle exterior updates: new mirrors with embedded turn signals, a bespoke twin-bar grille and front bumper, and the requisite LED daytime running lights. The interior was mildly reworked as well, with the COMAND infotainment screen placed front and center in the re-sculpted dashboard, and the console-mounted shifter getting slightly redesigned as well. The latest mbrace2 telematics system also makes an appearance. Our wagon also had the optional Designo Mystic Brown exterior paint and leather interior package ($2300), which brought our as-tested price to a not-inconsiderable $137,505.
But make no mistake: The G-wagen is no suburban poseur. According to Mercedes, each one takes appropriately ten days to assemble. We recently drove one—several really, including a few not-for-the-U.S. diesel-powered units—up a side of the “Schöckl,” an Austrian mountain that more or less serves as the proving grounds for all things G-class. As impressive and effortless as the ascent was, it was the descent where the G-wagens truly demonstrated their mettle. Without warning, our guide pointed the nose downhill and simply floored the accelerator. Instantly, heads bobbed and elbows swung as we descended the mountain, literally launching off the same rocky precipices that we had so gingerly crawled over on our ascent. Grab handles were fully utilized, our respect for the G-wagen’s structure solidifying somewhere around 4000 feet above sea level. The overall effect was not unlike pushing a hand-built Bösendorfer grand piano—an equally storied and sturdy device meticulously assembled by Austrian craftsman—off a cliff, allowing it to freewheel through Ricola territory unheeded and expecting it to arrive at the base in perfect tune. We won’t speak for our theoretical piano, but our convoy of G-wagens arrived at the base in perfect pitch.
Specifications
VEHICLE TYPE: front-engine, 4-wheel-drive, 5-passenger, 5-door wagon
PRICE AS TESTED: $137,505 (base price: $135,205)
ENGINE TYPE: twin-turbocharged and intercooled DOHC 32-valve V-8, aluminum block and heads, direct fuel injection
Displacement: 333 cu in, 5461 cc
Power: 544 hp @ 5500 rpm
Torque: 560 lb-ft @ 2000 rpm
TRANSMISSION: 7-speed automatic with manual shifting mode
DIMENSIONS:
Wheelbase: 112.2 in
Length: 187.5 in
Width: 73.0 in Height: 76.3 in
Curb weight: 5940 lb
C/D TEST RESULTS:
Zero to 60 mph: 5.0 sec
Zero to 100 mph: 11.9 sec
Zero to 120 mph: 18.6 sec
Rolling start, 5–60 mph: 5.6 sec
Top gear, 30–50 mph: 3.1 sec
Top gear, 50–70 mph: 3.7 sec
Standing ¼-mile: 13.5 sec @ 106 mph
Top speed (governor limited): 132 mph
Braking, 70–0 mph: 170 ft
Roadholding, 300-ft-dia skidpad*: 0.58 g
FUEL ECONOMY:
EPA city/highway: 12/14 mpg
C/D observed: 12 mpg
*Stability-control-inhibited
Continued…