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The paradox of value rolls on.
Were Nicolaus Copernicus alive today, he would totally get the Mercedes-Benz GL550. Ringing in at a tidy as-tested price of $100,115, the GL550 sits on the bejeweled side of the Diamond-Water Paradox, a subjective theory of value examined by Copernicus that essentially tries to explain why people will line up to pay tens of thousands of dollars for a shiny object while plenty of perfectly serviceable 1989 Dodge Diplomats sit unsold at the very reasonable asking price of $995 (no money down!). Okay, so maybe we slept through the history class covering the Renaissance; the point is, like Copernicus—who soon realized worrying about such theoretical matters was a royal pain in the ass and set his sights on more trivial tasks like realigning the solar system—Mercedes-Benz understands that the GL550 occupies rarefied air in the diamond-encrusted luxury SUV market, and for those who decide they need one, the price is secondary to the shine.
Postcard From the Blingosphere
Up in the blingosphere, the bejeweled GL550 offers a more traditional array of attributes than its Teutonic rivals. Though Audi’s seven-seat Q7 and BMW’s X5 cost tens of thousands dollars less than the big Merc, they don’t offer the same passenger or cargo room. And really, those cars are more concessionary vehicles for formerly sporting parents reluctantly making a concession to the reality of family life, whereas the star on the bow of each of the 3689 2012 GL550s sold in the U.S. unapologetically shouts, “I’m the king—or queen—of the upscale subdivision!” No, the GL550’s real competition comes from chutzpah-rich, square-jawed rides such as the Infiniti QX56 (from 2014 forward to be known as the QX80), Lexus LX570, Lincoln Navigator, and Cadillac Escalade, a group of high-luxe SUVs that neatly cover the price spread from $60,000 to $90,000. Sure, you could drop GL550 money on a Range Rover, but its passenger count is limited to five.
Boosted Luxury
Our 2013 GL arrived packing a fresh new twin-turbo 4.7-liter, 429-hp V-8 (47 more than the 382 generated by the naturally aspirated 5.5-liter V-8 in the previous-year GL550) mated to a seven-speed automatic transmission—a combo that returned a 5.4-second 0–60 time and a 13.9-second quarter mile in C/D testing. Torque received a major boost for 2013 as well, swelling to 516 lb-ft from the previous 391. Wheeling about town or on the open road in the GL is painless, with plenty of power, while the brakes (14.8-inch discs up front, 13.6 in the rear) have more than enough bite for legal speeds. Roadholding is adequate at 0.76 g, and the steering is so light and effortless you can run it lock to lock with a single finger. Feel and feedback suffer, however, the electrically assisted steering displaying all the tactile response of a Ouija board planchette; Mercedes-Benz tells us its customers like it this way. Our car also had the Active Curve System, which at $3150 amounts to a really sophisticated anti-roll-bar setup. Whatever its methods, the ACS sure helps keep the 5945-pound truck on an even keel while navigating a cul-de-sac.
It’s quiet in the cabin, our time behind the wheel made even plusher with the inclusion of nonessential options such as the Driver Assistance package (active cruise, blind-spot assist, and lane-keeping assist for $1950), Night View Assist ($1780), a panoramic sunroof ($1090), and heated rear seats ($620). The dash and infotainment setup is typical current Benz, and spinning a needle through the terrestrial radio dial via the weighted COMAND control knob is sure to stir memories in anyone old enough to remember stereo receivers from the 1970s. Ten-way heated and ventilated seats and burled walnut trim help to keep things appropriately civil. As for economy, we averaged 14 mpg. The EPA estimates that this truck is good for 13 mpg in the city and 18 on the highway.
Mercedes has upsized the GL-class slightly for 2013, increasing length to 202.6 inches from 200.7, width to 76.1 from 75.4, and height to 72.8 from 72.4. However, the wheelbase remains unchanged. We like the GL-class’s kinks, curves, and aggressive fascia, but the generic rear is slightly disappointing.
Although we barely wandered off the pavement, our test car had the On/Off-Road package ($2050), which adds six selectable transmission settings, a skid plate, a two-stage transfer case, a longitudinal differential lock, and tweaks to the Airmatic suspension system for increased ground clearance. The 4MATIC is a full-time system, and its operation is seamlessly melded into the powertrain. All GLs but the GL63 can tug 7500 pounds—regardless of engine—but the hitch will set you back $550.
Making a fiscal argument for the GL550 is futile. If you have a Ford Explorer or Honda Pilot budget, clipping coupons and giving home haircuts isn’t going to make you a GL550 intender anytime soon. But those who can afford it likely wouldn’t be happy with anything less.
Specifications
VEHICLE TYPE: front-engine, 4-wheel-drive, 7-passenger, 5-door wagon
PRICE AS TESTED: $100,115 (base price: $87,805)
ENGINE TYPE: twin-turbocharged and intercooled DOHC 32-valve V-8, aluminum block and heads, direct fuel injection
Displacement: 285 cu in, 4663 cc
Power: 429 hp @ 5250 rpm
Torque: 516 lb-ft @ 1800 rpm
TRANSMISSION: 7-speed automatic with manual shifting mode
DIMENSIONS:
Wheelbase: 121.1 in
Length: 202.6 in
Width: 76.1 in Height: 72.8 in
Curb weight: 5945 lb
C/D TEST RESULTS:
Zero to 60 mph: 5.4 sec
Zero to 100 mph: 13.5 sec
Zero to 120 mph: 21.0 sec
Rolling start, 560 mph: 6.1 sec
Top gear, 3050 mph: 3.2 sec
Top gear, 5070 mph: 3.6 sec
Standing ¼-mile: 13.9 sec @ 102 mph
Top speed (governor limited): 128 mph
Braking, 700 mph: 173 ft
Roadholding, 300-ft-dia skidpad*: 0.76 g
FUEL ECONOMY:
EPA city/highway driving: 13/18 mpg
C/D observed: 14 mpg
*Stability-control-inhibited.
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